Unexpected Ending...

Devastation.  Our pregnancy journey has ended.  My 8 week appointment showed no heartbeat or growth past 6 weeks.  Tomorrow I will have a D&C.  We naively did not expect this coming at all.  I had falsely assumed that the biggest hurdle would be becoming pregnant and not staying pregnant.  The doctor reassured me that my body had nothing to do with this loss; rather, it was likely a chromosomal imbalance but of course, I cant help but think I did something wrong.  Time will help with the emotional pain & numbness I feel now.  I only hope for some other miracle to happen for the boys where they can be parents in the near future.  But my journey in becoming pregnant has ended. I wish you all the best in your pregnancy dreams & hope for nothing but dreams to come true for you all!

7 Weeks Along

Well Ive attended two prenatal yoga sessions now and alls I can say is Im a bit rusty on core strength.  Granted I have never done yoga in any sense before, so this is all drastically new to me, but I had little idea of just what was in store.  My ADD doesnt allow me to enjoy the 'breathing' parts of class, which for prenatal'ers includes the use of mats to lay down and 'relax your eyes' for about 5 minutes.  Clearly you are supposed to let your mind be free of thought and concentrate on your breathing.  I, however, cannot seem to accomplish this as my mind floats from thought to thought - primarily focusing on what I am going to eat next...  Overall, I can see the benefit of doing the yoga - both for stretching and strengthening the body.  I look forward most to the Wednesday evening classes, as I already determined that is going to be my 'date night' out.  I am going to stop in at my favorite restaurant, which is near the studio, and treat myself to dinner out!  Woohoo! Oh the little things that make me happy!  Nothing has developed prego wise.  Still not feeling sick or any 'bad' symptoms.  I have noticed an excessive amount of dreams at night which Ive seen from everyone that that is pretty common for some reason.  My energy level is up and good as Im walking about 5 - 6 miles a day.  I have on rare occasion taken a short catnap, just about 30 minutes, but it feels good. I dont think that is prego related, just me wanting to snooze for a minute or two!  So far no real cravings or aversions to positively identify but I have had a thing for healthy snacks: salads & veggies w/ dip.  So far so good in this journey.  I cant help but think Ive been given a gift of an easy **knock of wood** pregnancy as a small repayment for the gift I am giving to the BDs...  I believe strongly in fate so that is what I am sticking with!  Our next appointment is this upcoming Friday where I will get another ultrasound & a full gynecological exam.  Until then... just lounging & baking the baby!

No real baby bump yet!  A picture from this week, only 7 weeks along...

What you do for surrogacy...

Just a little something more to add to my resume... BD1 & I using the First Aid station at the Cleveland Indians stadium during the game to give me my Prog-Shot.  Yup, thats right, shooting up (legally, ha) at a professional baseball game.  Most people try to sneak in food snacks or water into the game, but we snuck in needles & my baby-making juice.  As BD1 was shooting me in the bootie, he commented, this will be something we have to tell the kid about...

Seems like all I do is wait...

I had no idea just how stressful & how much patience I would need for this pregnancy...  It seems like all I do is deal with two week waits.  Although there is absolutely no indication anything is wrong - heck, I was just at the doctor on Friday and had great news from the ultrasound - I find myself now anxious for the next checkup & ultrasound on 18 May.  I know this is what everyone feels during the first trimester, but for some reason, I thought I would just skip over all this and just truly embrace being pregnant.  Instead, what I find is that I keep saying to myself, "oh I will feel much better once we get to the second...third...fourth beta...first ultrasound -- now the 2nd ultrasound."  I keep delaying my moment of embracing pregnancy UNTIL ________ (fill in the blank).  I THINK once I get to my 2nd trimester, then I will feel more relaxed.  So far **knock on wood** still no morning sickness or extreme exhaustion or such.  The only 'symptoms' I have is that my face is more rough (almost pimples) than normal and my body size is changing.  I dont know about actual weight gain but I have noticed that my pants are a bit tighter in the hip area.  My clothes still fit relatively well in the waist area but are a little tight around my hip bone area.  So intrigued to see how my body is going to change - hopefully for the better - during and at the end of the process!  Wednesday is my first prenatal yoga class and Im excited but yet nervous. I have never done yoga before so this could be interesting...

First Ultrasound

We nicknamed our anonymous donor, "Miss Singleton" because we had said all along the way, "we only need one, we only need one."  It was a close call there for a bit and she appeared to have taken her name seriously when she only gave us THREE eggs total from retrieval, but you know what?? We only needed ONE!  And today at our first ultrasound, we have confirmation of our ONE!  One baby in there with its heart beat flickering!  Everything looked great from what the doctor could see today.  Our next u/s will be in 2 more weeks, which will put me at 8 weeks along.  Until then I was given clearance to begin prenatal yoga and simply continue as Ive been doing. Which has been super easy so far as I have still not experienced a lick of pregnancy symptoms.  I have read on some of you girls' blogs that the nausea set in around 6 weeks which I'm at now so maybe it will kick in or maybe I wont experience it at all.  Time shall tell!

I took a picture of my belly yesterday which was exactly at my 6 week mark.  I decided 6 weeks seems to be the good starting point of taking weekly belly shots so I can monitor my growth. I will admit, I am so excited to see my belly grow into a true belly bump.  Last night as BD1 was giving me my prog shot, BD2 commented, "OMG, you totally already have a baby bump!"  Unfortunately, I had to explain to him that my belly is 'skewed' by the time the evening comes (this was after 9pm) and it was only bloat.  I then showed them the belly picture I took in the morning and they were shocked just how much bloat can occur by the end of the day!  One of these days Ill wake up with the belly bump and it will stay for the day!  I needed to gain weight when this journey started as I was about 10 lbs underweight due to stress of my job in D.C. and not eating good nutritious meals.  Thanks to BD2's cooking, I put on the 10 lbs in the few weeks leading up to and immediately after the transfer.  My weight has stabilized in the last two weeks so Im going to start the "official baby weight gain" from the point Im at now - a nice healthy weight that I was back in the stress free days of life -college, ha!

                                                 So my 6 week shot in a tanktop & shorts!

Read. Write. Have Baby

I had read the book "Eat Pray Love" years ago but never actually came around to watching the movie.  Because Im an uber nerd who loves to read (I've already devoured well over 10 books in the last few weeks) & also because it is a good place for me to write, I usually made a pit stop at the local library every day for some "me" time.  I happened to see the DVD on the rental rack for the movie so I decided to have a movie night last night.  I chuckled within the first 30 minutes of the movie thinking how much "Liz's" journey measured up to mine... 'a year off in search of herself.'  I suppose I can incorporate the "Eat" part into my journey here as BD2 is a phenomenal chef but I appropriately retitled my journey as "read. write. have baby."

                           ****Tomorrow is the our first ultrasound****
                                            WOO-HOO!

Stretch Mark Cream

Just thought of something tonight....

1) What kind of anti-stretch mark creams do you all recommend?  [HOLY CRAP - EERIE...as I typed that I happened to look up at the TV in the background and see that a Mederma commercial was playing. A sign??  BTW... I notice that when bloggers type out name brands of things they put random periods in the word like 'Med.erma'... am I supposed to do this? Whats the point?]

2) When am I supposed to start applying said anti-stretch mark creams?

THANKS all!