How it all started... The background.

I am starting this blog a little behind when this whole process began.  For many years, I have always told my two best friends that I would have their baby for them.  That, in essence, they would be my baby's daddies.  Thus they have been officially (for this blog at least) renamed BD1 (baby daddy #1) and BD2 (baby daddy #2).  Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to be pregnant.  To have the big belly, feel the life grow inside of me and yes, remarkably, I have even wanted to experience the pain of child birth.  I can think of no greater experience in the world than giving birth.  Problem being is that I have never had the maternal instinct. I have never wanted my own child.  Yes, that could change someday, but I am 29 years old so I would have figured that instinct should have kicked in by now.  I met BD1 back in college, 11 years ago and we have been best friends since.  BD1 and BD2 met over five years ago and they have been dating since.  Although clearly not technically legally married, they are more secure, stable and happy than any straight married couple I know.  They have a huge mansion, a dog and each have very successful careers.  The only thing missing from their perfect life is a child.  Which is where I enter the picture.  I have been in numerous long lasting relationships but have still not found the 'one' yet.  My last relationship ended almost a year ago and since then, I have not yet had the desire to begin dating again.  I have an extremely successful career working for the US government in the security field and was living in Washington, DC.  I traveled to Spain in October 2011 for three weeks where I literally rode through the country on horseback.  When I got back to the states I had the feeling that I was missing out on 'something.' What exactly I did not know. But I had the feeling that there was more to life and I was not being bold and going after it.  I searched my inner self for the next several months trying to determine what exactly I wanted to do with my life.  I have led an interesting life up until this point already in my life and in sharing my life experiences thus far with people, most people remark with, "You should write a book about your life!"  I have always held on to this idea and have been telling myself for years that someday, I will write a book.  But I just never had the time to do it with work.  So finally by November 2011 I decided that I was going to take time off of work without pay and devote my days to finally sitting down and writing my life story.  I spent one year in Iraq working for the USG where I made plenty of money, so financially it was not a concern to take off time from work.  I threw around some ideas of where I wanted to move to as I most certainly wanted to get out of the DC area for some time.  Christmas 2011 my grandmother passed away after a long illness.  I traveled back to my hometown in Ohio for the funeral.  I have been living physically away from all family members for many years now so it is rare that I get together with them all.  Being back in Ohio for the weekend for the funeral really opened my eyes.  I spent time with extended family members and spent time with the BDs.  One evening after the funeral, I was telling the BDs about my plans for the future - that I was going to take some time off of work and write my book.  Take a 'life sabatical' if you will.  BD2 thought it was a great idea and suggested that I move back to Ohio for the time, that way I could be around family & friends and well they even had some exciting news to share with me... They were going to begin the process for adoption!  I was stunned with the news as I did not know they had reached the point in their lives where they were ready for a child.  I had tears in my eyes as they told me all of the details; tears of happiness as I knew in my heart there was going to be no better parents than these two individuals.  It was disheartening to hear how long the adoption process was going to take.  I remember one of the first things out of my mouth though was, "OMG, what happened to me being the surrogate?"  They kind of laughed off the question without giving me an answer really.  I returned back to DC excited about my gameplan and excited about the prospect of the boys being parents, although it really would not be in the not-so-near future.  About three days after I returned back to DC, I got a phone call from BD1 telling me that he was down about the adoption process: all of the hurdles in even getting approved, how long it would take to realistically be able to adopt a child, plus the greatest factor of them all - never having his own biological child.  I casually threw back out my offer to be a surrogate mother for them and this time, BD1 responded back with, "Oh Jess, we could never ask you to do something like that."  The conversation continued rather quickly from that point forward and within about 10 minutes, I promised BD1 I would really think it through and let him know in a few days if I was actually serious on the offer.  I was serious and I let him know that I was ready to take the next step in the process.  The next few months were a whirlwind.  Finding a doctor that 'approved' having a surrogate who has never had a child before (this is apparently rare), going through physical & psychological testing to ensure I was medically & mentally fit for this process (I was - heck, I had more screening to work for the USG than to carry a baby!), hiring lawyers to compose the contract (even though we are all best friends, legally I still needed a contract), selecting the egg donor (we were not using my egg as I want no biological ties to the child), getting my cycle regulated with the donor's cycle, starting medication, putting in my LWOP (leave without pay) at work, moving out of my apartment and moving into the BD's mansion here in Ohio and then finally the days have dwindled down to the wait....