Thursday, April 26, 2012

Patiently waiting for it all...

What exactly is it all?  I suppose the concrete feeling of being pregnant.  At this point, for numerous reasons, I haven't quite grasped the feeling that I am actually pregnant.  #1- I feel (along with BD1) that it is still too early in the process to get truly excited.  Yes, we have overcome so many hurdles already but we still have a long way to go to truly feel confident that this is a viable pregnancy.  Our 1st u/s/ is in one week and *hoping* we get good news, then maybe it will sink in that there is actually a baby growing in my belly.  #2 - Because I haven't experienced any pregnancy symptoms, it is also hard for me to accept that I am pregnant because I don't have any constant or even daily reminders of it - other than my mind thinking about it constantly, ha!  Our nurse told me to keep everything as 'status quo' - continue whatever I am doing.  So for me that means eating the same breakfast at the same time, walking before lunch, writing before lunch, then eating the same lunch, then reading/writing for a few hours, then eating the same snack before dinner, vegging with the BDs before dinner, eating and then walking again after dinner to help with my digestion issues.  Tonight will be my third night eating prunes before bed in attempt to help with my constipation issues.  I am totally a creature of habit which is why I eat the same foods for breakfast & lunch.  Ironically, I don't mind eating the same thing everyday! My dinners would be the same as well but BD2 is a gourmet chef and he makes delicious meals every night.  I feel like I have reached an impasse, where I haven't yet crossed to the side of the street where I can proudly claim/feel pregnant.  I am really excited for the bump to show!  I am excited to attend prenatal yoga classes!  I am excited to flaunt my pregnancy - but I am just not there yet physically or emotionally yet.  Hopefully with good news at the u/s will bring some relief and allow me to embrace the pregnancy finally.  I didn't think BD1's hesitation with believing we were having a baby would ever affect me.  But it has. I am definitely cautiously approaching each step at a time.

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